A Dad in Barcelona
 Our decision to relocate to Catalonia was one that we found ourselves
defending many times prior to our departure. People in Canada seemed
amazed that we would make such a move with a small child. That one big question asked time and time again: “Why would you move to Barcelona with children?” Now that we are here, no one seems to think it’s an odd choice. Now
that we are a relatively established expat family in Spain, people back
in Canada are more curious than incredulous, especially those with kids
of their own. Now we get a flurry of detailed questions: “Are there
kids’ parks in Barcelona? What about summer camps? Children’s
theatre? What’s childcare in Barcelona like? How does the school
system work?” And of course: “Can we come visit? Expat father, Ivan Larcombe, describes his experience of relocating to Barcelona...
Take two and a half years in Madrid as a young man, three years wanting
to escape from small-town Canada and add an inclination for adventure
and you get a family of three flying into Barcelona this past June.
And one big question asked time and time again: “Why would you move to
Barcelona with children?”
I feel overwhelmed. This isn’t an alien feeling these days as the
father of a charming, spirited and lovely 2 ½ year-old child. But this
time, it isn’t the challenge of grumpy behaviour, bedtime or finding a
changing table in Barcelona that’s daunting me: it’s the task of
answering a seemingly simple question that I have been asked time and
time again in the past six months: “What’s it like living in Barcelona
with kids?”
Our decision to relocate to Catalonia was one that we found ourselves
defending many times prior to our departure. People in Canada seemed
amazed that we would make such a move with a small child. Would the
poor little guy have to live in an apartment? (A rarity in a country
where – especially in small towns – grass is the most prized
possession, at least when placed neatly around a free-standing home of
your own.) Wouldn’t he get confused about the language? Where there
even things to do with kids in Barcelona? And even, once or twice, a
blank look and just the word ‘where?’
 We weren’t concerned. Our philosophy about parenthood has always been
that we live our lives and Oscar is along for the ride. That doesn’t
mean that we avoid the typically child-friendly places – far from it –
but it does mean that we don’t shy away from less traditional
activities for kids. Oscar has loved restaurants for as long as he has
been able to express love of anything. It seems pretty clear that he
is enjoying the ride that we are offering and that includes, with the
notable exception of the actual flight to Europe, our family move to
Barcelona.
Now that we are here, no one seems to think it’s an odd choice. Now
that we are a relatively established expat family in Spain, people back
in Canada are more curious than incredulous, especially those with kids
of their own. Now we get a flurry of detailed questions: “Are there
kids’ parks in Barcelona? What about summer camps? Children’s
theatre? What’s childcare in Barcelona like? How does the school
system work?” And of course: “Can we come visit?”
To tell the truth, after six months here, we are still figuring out the
answers to these and many other questions that keep cropping up.
Relocating a family to another country isn’t a straightforward matter.
No amount of preparation can tell you what it will actually be like to
leave your familiar surroundings (no pun intended) and immerse yourself
in another culture. Research and life just don’t compare.
For example, Katie and I were very impressed with the guardaria or
nursery school system here in Barcelona before we arrived. In Canada
daycare is an expensive, completely unsubsidized situation until
children attend school at five or six. As working parents, the idea of
a daycare or playschool that is part of the school system really
appealed to us. Then, once we got here, we were a bit taken aback by
the style in which these services were offered; too structured and
rigid to make leaving our toddler there for eight hours a day an
option.
 We loved the cultural offering of Barcelona from afar too, and we still
do. But we weren’t prepared for the very different cultural norms when
it comes to raising kids. The first time I saw a child not much older
than Oscar get a hard slap across the face, I was shocked. More so
than the kid, who was obviously used to it. That just wouldn’t happen
in Canada, at least not in public.
Of course, every parent is different and I’ve seen lots of parenting
that’s left me slack-jawed in Canada and elsewhere too: I won’t judge
Catalan parents for the acts of few. But clearly the rules are
different here. We haven’t figured them all out yet, but we are
catching on.
The thing that we love most about having a child in Barcelona is the
independence that kids are given here, at least when it comes to park
etiquette. Where we were in Canada (and maybe in all of Canada) the
prevailing parenting style is a very protective one. Bumps and falls
are often treated as near-death experiences and parents tend to follow
their little ones around with tissues, organic cookies and softly cooed
phrases at the ready to right every little wrong. When Oscar fell I
usually just called over to him to pick himself up and let him come to
me for a healing kiss if he felt it was needed, which wasn’t often.
That got me some disapproving looks, I can tell you.
Kids here are given much more space for the most part. Of course, the
flip side of that is that children in Barcelona seem to be left to
their own devices more than I would consider appropriate: things like
sharing and name-calling are often left for the kids to figure out for
themselves when some adult guidance could really help, for example.
All this is just my opinion, of course, and I don’t expect the world –
whether in Canada or Spain – to conform to my personal beliefs.
And when it comes down to it, parenthood is a very individual
experience, no matter where you live or what your parenting style is.
For me, as a father at home – working from home – I seldom meet others
who can relate to my personal experience of parenthood. I’m one of the
very few men who seem to get to spend so much time with their kids.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be any different in Barcelona. I’m
still outnumbered by mothers everywhere I go. The parenting
information that I find is still usually addressed to moms, mums,
mummies and mommies; only now you can add mamás to the list. I can
ignore that.
I still believe that, apart from the obvious physical considerations of
early childhood, gender is irrelevant to parenthood. I haven’t found
too many people who agree with me. But then, I haven’t encountered
many parents without at least one belief about raising kids that the
world disagrees with. All of our kids are unique and so are we.
What is it like living with kids in Barcelona? It’s like living with
kids anywhere; hard work and lots of fun. Are there great things to do
with kids here? Yes. Absolutely. Are there unique challenges to face
for expats? Sure. But wouldn’t there be anywhere? I find that I am
better situated to be a thoughtful, patient and engaged parent here
because this is where I want to be right now. Katie and I are happy
here and that happiness makes us better parents, despite the challenges.
About the author:
Ivan Larcombe is a business communications consultant and freelance
writer. His blog is online at www.ivaninvalencia.com where he welcomes visitors to contact him with comments, questions and job offers.
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